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We've all made mistakes. With databases, mistakes are particularly costly because they lead to performance bottlenecks, deployment disasters, lost data and intractable technical debt. Join us and learn from my mistakes. You'll hear harrowing tales of schema design blunders that were never rectified, and where recursive SQL is a path to a dark place. You'll learn why databases make lousy queues, and what to use instead. You'll learn the perils of table locking and botched migrations that can cause downtime and data loss. You'll laugh at my futile attempt to tune queries after choosing the wrong database, and why certain workloads work well on some databases, but not on others. Whether you're new to database engineering, or have made all the same errors, hearing about my missteps will help you avoid mistakes in your own data engineering challenges.
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